You might be wondering, why grief?

Well, grief chose me. My dad died when I was twenty-four and I had no idea how to deal with it. He was my best friend, my childhood hero. As an only child my parents were (are- love you Mom!) my people, and we were as close as can be. His loss blew our world apart. My dad had Leukemia when I was a teenager and a stem cell transplant gave us seven more years together. By 2013 he began suffering from chronic complications of the stem cell transplant and we had to say goodbye in August 2013.

I was so scared that his death would totally ruin me and take the light right out of my life. I used plenty of unhealthy coping mechanisms and stayed angry for way too long. I just wanted to numb and push all this pain away. The word “grief” wasn’t even in my vocabulary back then! I had plenty of support from my family but I knew that if I wanted to move forward with more peace, I had to go inwards.

It wasn’t until I found my way to a grief support group, journaling and lots of tough self reflection - that I finally found my way out of the dark. I started to slowly but surely let good things into my life and move forward in a more positive way. One day at a time. The road that led me here was full of bumps and bruises, but I’ve now come to a place where grief and I are close friends. I truly never thought I’d say that. She’s my little unwanted guest, but the fact that we are now acquainted makes her a lot less scary! Once I learned that grief would always be a part of my life, there was a lot of freedom that came with that. And I soon began taking a deep dive into my own mental wellness. Grief and anxiety weave in and out of my days but there are so many things I do now to help myself.

What I thought would once take the light out of my soul, has actually set my soul on fire with purpose. I went from not wanting to even use the word grief, to revolving my life around it. With books, podcasts, conversation, and now THIS! I’ve made it my mission to help others who are like me, not have to struggle as much as I did.

I fully believe we take our grief along for this crazy ride called life, but right next to it sits LOVE, HAPPINESS, MEANING, PURPOSE, and PEACE. They can all have a seat at our table.

And the fuel behind all of this, is my guy right here. I do this all because of you dad. xo